Ummah

I am writing this in honor of my loving late mother in law who we all affectionately addressed as Ummah  She left us all feeling shocked and empty inside. A sudden and unforeseen departure indeed.

The first thing that filled my heart was regret. Regret for not using all the moments I had with her to tell that I loved her very much. Regret for not using every possible opportunity to go see her. My emotions turned soon from deep sorrow to frustration and anger. I was trying to cling on to something - some reason as to why Allah did not give us a chance to see her alive. Especially with the summer coming and me being just a month away from seeing her. Can I blame my work place for not granting me leave when I asked to go visit her back in December? Can I blame myself for thinking that she will be fine until the summer? Could some one have advised me differently? The questions will never be answered.

I only have the comfort of knowing that Insha Allah there is a possibility that I will see her again in jannah. This is how Allah wanted it. This is what life is. Every moment that you have with your loved ones is too precious to waste. So put the TV off, turn off your computers and give your loved ones your undivided attention and time before it is too late.

Everyone who knew her, knew how generous she was. Let me not take away her hasanaath by going into details of what she did but all I can say is that I was blessed to be a part of her life. She is the woman who raised the man I love and her presence will be felt in my life every day.

All those of us living abroad without our families know how hard life is without the warmth of grandparents and the chatter of extended family. We know how hard it is to even have an after noon nap because no one is watching the kids. We yearn for our loved ones, our parents and we value them sometimes much more than those who live closer to them. As many of us living abroad already know, we live with the constant fear of bad news over the phone; the inevitable misery of knowing that there is very high possibility of not seeing most of our older relatives alive ever again. Yet when it really happens we still struggle to come to terms with it. We fight inside us to hang on to every little bit of faith and promise ourselves that the way God intended it to be is the best way. My request to those of you who share your kind advice during our loss is to please try to be sensitive to our feelings and not make us feel bad about what we could not do. Please respect the fact that we are also limited by our resources and capabilities. If we can be there for the ones we love I don't think we would think twice about it, but for some reason, this is how Allah wanted it so we leave it at that and Allah knows best.

I miss her tremendously but I am strong enough to forgive myself and to move on. Please make dua for her and us. It is the best gift indeed.

Until we meet again...